Lucy's World

Who AM I?

I was asked by my old friend, jillymc, your VNW webmaster, if I was interested in doing a 'column' for Virtual North Woods. She said I could talk about ANYTHING.... and since she knows I'm seldom without an opinion on anything, I'm sure she figured there would be PLENTY of stuff to write about. I really wanted to do an 'advice column', but jillymc, with her usual INTJ bluntness, reminded me that I hadn't exactly mananged to live the life of a 'role model'. I told her that made me all the MORE qualified, but we compromised and I'm writing and 'OPINION column instead of an 'advice' column. Of course, if you'd LIKE my opinion on anything, I'd be glad to give it to you. Just send me your questions at lucy@vnw.org.
Chow!!
Lucy

11/4/1999

It's not PLEASURE.....

Whoever said that 'business and pleasure don't mix' was just a word weenie. It's not business and PLEASURE that are the problem (because being a workaholic, I can tell you that if you love your work, business IS pleasure), it's business and SEX that don't mix. The 'business and pleasure' stuff is just one of those emphemisms [according to Mr. Webster: the substitution of an agreeable or inoffensive expression for one that may offend or suggest something unpleasant] we use so we can talk about it in front of our small children.

Business and sex CAN be glorious, but it's just so darned temporary, and that's the problem. As a protegee [Webster says: the female version of one who is protected or trained or whose career is furthered by a person of experience, promience or influence] of Bill (no, not THAT Bill), I lived the most incredible business/life experiences for several years..... total emersion, if you will. I didn't go home from work.... I had the imtimacy AT work that you would normally go home to. It was breathtaking. It was also temporary.

It only happens in fairy tales,..... that you can amicably take a step back from 'business and sex'. People ALWAYS change, maybe it's you or maybe it's him, and in the end, it just gets nasty.

If you knew in advance that it wouldn't last forever, would you still do it?

lucy@vnw.org

11/5/1999

This STINKS!

Do you ever 'melt' (or gasp) when you hear a certain song or get a whiff of something that rudely yanks memories out of your past? Tunes and smells can rattle your brain's nostalgia center like NOTHING else. The smell of suntan lotion always does it for me...... ooooh, I remember those summers in high school working as a lifeguard at the beach, dances at the lake pavillion, the excitment and intensity of falling in love, that leopard swimsuit.

Then there are the tunes. Maybe it was a 'transition' tune.... the one you listened to a hundred times over and over while you are working through, working out, killing a relationship. "Wind Beneath My Wings" still brings a deep sigh, a shrug, a pause..... and sometimes a question about what might have been.

Then there's "White Dress".... a smile, just a small sigh, the roses, the computers butt to butt, the intellectual high.... then the song ends and you remember the rest of the story! Whew.... that was close. Maybe we won't play that CD any more.

Lucy's advice for the day: Take time to stop and smell the suntan lotion.

lucy@vnw.org

11/6/1999

I am what I do, not what I say

I've noticed it's a lot easier to have principles if they are never tested. For example, it's a lot easier to be against segregation..... if there are NO blacks to be segregated from. And, maybe it's a lot easier to stand up for what you believe is right if you're not in business. My good friend, jillymc, has CAVED in to the censors and withdrawn Real Men from Virtual North Woods. (I'll probably be pulled, too, after writing this column.... but I have my OWN back office right now, so, until she reads this, I can and will speak my mind.) She's being a dope...... I love her..... but she's being a dope. She sold out for a few bucks......a VERY few bucks. She took a feature that the VAST majority of visitors to Virtual North Woods loved and laughed over .... and was the reason that many of us CAME to VNW in the first place...... and CAVED. Tisk, tisk. Kind of makes you wonder what other kinds of things 'business' has done for us.

Lucy's Advice for the Day:

In case this is my last column, (grin) it's been fun!!

lucy@vnw.org

11/12/1999

Caring and/or Loving?

What's the difference between caring and loving?

"Oh, Lucy, I love you", he says.

That's nice for you. But do you really 'care'? 'Loving' is singular activity, all in your mind. YOU do the loving, quite separate and apart from the object of your love. The person you 'love' doesn't even have to LIKE you back. It's a wonderful feeling to be 'in love', but it's irrelevant to the other person.

Caring, on the other hand, is ACTION. Not just lip service to some feeling, it's doing something to back up those feelings.

It's cheap and easy to say 'I love you'..... it's something quite different to ACT on those feelings and CARE about and for someone.

So, you love me, do you. Ho-hum.... that's nice for you. What would be nice for ME is if you also CARED for me.

Lucy's Advice for the day: Love ain't all it's cracked up to be. Find someone who cares.

11/29/1999

Believing in fairy tales....

Last night I watched some sappy TV movie about a middle-aged guy who left home to follow his "dream" to become a professional golfer. Never mind that he had a wife and kids who were dealing with their own "real lives" which he left behind. He justified this action because he had some magic golf club and if he didn't go follow his dream he'd regret it for the rest of his life (a selfish crock if I've ever heard one).

While the man of the house was off chasing his dreams, his family learned they could live without him. The wife dealt with a business, a Scrooge landlord, her childrens growing pains..... successfully (and much more tolerantly than yours truly would have).

In some modern hybrid of Scrooge and whatever that Marlo Thomas movie is, the guy comes home for a visit around Christmas time and ends up, unbeknowst to the family, filling in for the Santa Claus hired for the childrens Christmas party. Of course, he gets a candid view of how well things are going without him and expressses amazement.

Since this IS the movies, he goes back to his golf circuit, makes a bunch of money, sees the light, and comes home and benevolently buys out the Scrooge landlord and saves his wife's day care center. We are lead to believe they all live happily ever after.

I'd say that was one lucky guy. At first glance, his becoming a golf champion would seem to be the fairy tale part of this story, but actually the fairy tale part was the fact that his family was there waiting for him when he got done 'finding himself'.

Lucy's Advice for the Day: Don't take for granted that the rocks you left on the seashore will be there when you get back from your voyage.

12/20/1999

ET.... call home.

Heros are fun to hang with, but they don't keep you warm at night. After all, heros are off slaying dragons, which is infinitely more interesting than keeping home fires stoked and the grass mowed and the bed warm. There's no equal pay for equal work when it comes to those of us who stay behind. For the most part heros just do drugery, too, but, oh, in the most exotic of places. The cocktail party circuit "ohhs and ahhs" about the heroic life, fantasizing how difficult and interesting it must be. Hey..... look at ME. My life is difficult and interesting, too. (But it could be considerably less difficult with a little help.) But, no luck. I'm not a hero off in a far away place. Folks look you right in the eye and tell you how lucky you are to have such a hero in your life. Yeah, right.

Lucy's advice of the day: Marry a hero for love, but don't count on any caring or support or empathy in return, unless it's you giving it.

1/5/2000

Tell it like it is..... NOT!

You probably either love or hate those 'lists' that circulate on the internet.... they arrive without fail and without acknowledgement as to who dreamed them up. I can neither take nor give credit for this one, but I grinned.

Things not to say on your Valentine's date...
* Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
* I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
* No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin.
* I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
* I used to come here all the time with my ex.
* I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
* I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
* I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
* It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

Lucy's Advice for the Day: If you're dateless on this Valentine's Day, consider the possibilty that honesty is not always the best policy.

2/14/2000

It's a Fantastic Run

Dear Friends,
What is your dream in life? Your fantasy? What is it that you LUST after? What is that illusion that you drift away to when you get all philosphical?

Well, I'll tell you mine. I am a bold galloping horse, running full out..... wind blowing back my mane, breathing with each stride, muscles rippling and powerful..... going FULL OUT. The effort is not spent yet.... I'm not tired, I'm invigorated.... running full out.

But that's not all.....I'm not alone. I'm running in tandem with another..... another bold stallion, running neck and neck.... not in harness, but matched stride for stride..... racing down the same canyon. We're a team.... charging at life full tilt, together.....by choice.

And we're headed somewhere, but if there's a dead end on this road, there's no worry. We slide and roll back and head off in another direction. The whole time savoring the effort and the journey and the company and the thrill of it all. Living life full out.... running full out until we slow. We do slow and savor the distance traveled and the weariness and the accomplishments and the companionship. And we regenerate and anticipate the next day, the next hour.

Oh to be blessed with the energy to live 'full out' and the companion to share the run.

Back to earth. I've run the run, in part.... but as for the companion.... he's only been an illusion. I thought he was there. I thought he was real. But he wasn't. The saddest thing I've come to know in life is regret.

Gallop on, my soul..... even if it is alone.

Lucy's Advice for the Day: When you're out jogging, that heavy breathing you hear beside you may be your over-weight, balding, wheezing neighbor whose been smoking since age 12, not that hard living soulmate you've been longing for.

Lucy

6/25/2000

Game Shows

Involved in a long distance relationship? Then this advice is for you.

I'm STARTING with Lucy's advice of the day today. Don't assume that the person you see under 'once in a while' circumstances is the person that actually lives at the body the rest of the time. It could be that he just 'saves up' all the good stuff..... distills it, if you will, for dispensing during the infrequent times that you are together. Yeah.... like the difference between gulping beer and sipping Drambuie. He may not be anything like that the rest of the time, but it's all you ever see, so to you, this is the real WHOLE guy.

"What you see is what you get." Right? Yup, maybe if you just see him in bits and pieces. It's like an alien arriving from outer space to spend one day on earth.....on Christmas. They might return home with warm and fuzzy stories of good will and good food and gifts and family and decorations, which of course, would be true, but not representative.

The problem is, most relationships START as long distance and then, if all goes 'well', become full time, up close and personal. This is the real problem. It's the ORDER of the progression. It should be just the opposite. We should start out together..... then when we can't stand each other, move to the long distance phase and cash in on the higher proof stuff.

We all need 'down time'...nobody can be 'on stage' all the time. Maybe the reason we hit it off in the first place is that I am not the same person either when we are together. It's a dag-gone dilema. But it's always a shock when we get to the part where 'Will the Real Man please stand up', and it's NOT number 1. Dang, I was SURE it was Number 1.

7/1/2000

First of the last

Hope springs eternal.... but it is also the leading cause of blindness. It's like polarized sunglasses....removes the offensive glare while letting selected light shine in. I'm sure you've known obvious 'mismatches' in life... very unlikely couples where you just don't understand how one puts up with the other. And, it's always so obvious that they are mismated... 'why can't she see him for what he is?' Well, she can't see because she's got her danged polarized hope glasses on.

The day of reckoning is when she accidentally sits on those glasses or drops 'em and busts 'em and is forced to open her naked eyes. The glare is painful....the view is alarming. That's the first day of the last of the hope.

6/22/2002

Beginnings

7/1/2002

Calgon man.......where the hell ARE you?

Well, this was a day. My so-called husband is on some ship in heavy waters in the Strait of Magellan on his way to Palmer Station, Mom fell out of her wheel chair and Sunrise called me and told me the paramedics were on the way, Jenny (the old girl friend) showed up to return some of Pat�s stuff, only to run face to face with Erin (the new girl friend) and started screaming and ran out�.. Calgon man, TAKE ME AWAY. Calgon man, where ARE you? WHO are you? PLEASE, come take me away.

7/7/02

Heavy time

What do you do when the chaff of life is stacked on your shoulders to the point where you can see the 'last straw' walking toward you? Get outta Dodge? Blow your stack? Bite your tongue? Cry in your pillow? Jump in a lake? Refuse to get out of your pajamas? Sigh deeply? Sigh deeply repeatedly? Or just stand there like a deer in the headlights and let it pile on? Or just try to think of one more cliche to use to describe your situation?

I'll let you know what I do.

7/2/03